Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
