You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
