Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
