this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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