shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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