I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
