Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
