Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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