he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
