when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
