I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
