somebody snuck up and got me drunk
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
