Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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