so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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