So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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