At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
