the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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