The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You pole danced in your parka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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