someone threw a dead crab at me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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