am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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