maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
