So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
