So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
