I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
