did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
