i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
