he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
