Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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