Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
