I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
