My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
