why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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