Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
