Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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