Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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