hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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