i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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