You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
