Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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