It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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