i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
