first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
