evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
