You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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