Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
