WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize