Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
