my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was like eating out sand paper
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
