Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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