dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
as a side note pls kill me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
