you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
