i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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