i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
