a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
