I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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