okay pat passed out under dana's car
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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