franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
