imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Floor bacon is actually really good
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
God, I missed his penis.
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