some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
