he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
