Do vagina's smell?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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