he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
