I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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