matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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