She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
