My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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