apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
