My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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