I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
high people should be assigned attendants
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
