its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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