My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
